he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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