there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
me + whiskey = a bad person
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
