I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
