he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize