Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
