Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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