paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This baby is an asshole
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize