my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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