even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
