I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
