I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
