he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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