if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
4 words: hood of his car
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
