It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize