Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
