I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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