Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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