happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
