my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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