I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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