"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
