It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
