Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
