Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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