It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
