are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
