I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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