I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
