he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
