How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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