So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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