So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
