Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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