I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
