Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
