Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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