You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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