Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
