sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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