we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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