So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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