Nicole vs. Life
Best friends brother. Beat that.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
