After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
