My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize