He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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