You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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