escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
