There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
