cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Randomize
