you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize