There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
where does the pee come out of this thing
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
