i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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