Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize