So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
