dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
