They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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