one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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