i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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