My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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