Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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