My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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