I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
