Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
