You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
