He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
