My pussy is not your playground.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
