how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
