so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
