Sober January is a disaster.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
