One girl and one boy is just not enough.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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