even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
