i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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