omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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