Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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