i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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