hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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