His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
