i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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