I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
