do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
that is very illegal...i love you.
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