And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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