oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
