Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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