Please, let me fuck your mom
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
