I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My balls are so social today.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
