oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
