remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize