I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
