I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm lost and stupid without you.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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