If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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