I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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