Pants 0. Shit 1.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
