it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize