even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
