my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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