i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish you could order shots online.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
