I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize