Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
