The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
